Saturday, June 30, 2012
The Snake That Ate It's Tale:
In the dead of night two mysterious shadow figures slowly meander clumsily up a hill with bright lights illuminating their faces while each are furiously waving various sorts of equipment pointed haphazardly at the ground. They have a full camera crew following them as they make their way up to a road where a car has stopped amidst this activity to momentarily reconnoiter a atypically surrealistic scene in white bread suburbia that was presented last night culled from the National Geographic Society's cynically ludicrous "Chasing UFOs."
A driver stops momentarily out of obvious curiosity as to what is happening on the this hillside and the UFO Chasers label this as "government surveillance" without any consideration of any another possibility such as their obvious out of the ordinary activity would perhaps draw curiosity from lets say, "a soccer mom." who is perhaps thinking these woebegone explorers are space creatures.
Perhaps federal doubly top secret agents who lost their car keys.
One UFO Chaser illegally jumps an public airport fence on this educational program because the UFO Chasers "think" flying saucers are taking off and landing there. I am thinking this would be a great animated cartoon then I realize in a sense it already is, uncannily stretching my patience, akin to waiting interminably in line for a serving of lukewarm junk food..
One sees a storage building and pronounces it as suspicious, perhaps holding a flying saucer, while a camera crew follows her with this light still shining on her face, hiding behind a wall as the music swells in a threatening manner. I am not making this up. This cheaply produced and delirious scene was staged at the Fresno, California Airport.
They look at a river levee and pronounce it "perfect" for hiding activity, perhaps from an underground base. A white van makes a right hand turn, and they immediately identify it as a surveillance vehicle, while the perhaps painter or plumber inside is blissfully unaware he is part of a massive coverup. They go into an old ammo dump or spillway in this area only to scare themselves silly and run off as if chased by the Devil.
The woman of Chasing UFOs, who was compared to Laura Croft, is visibly shaken when told there are perhaps wild pigs in the vicinity.
The music swells in anticipation as she approaches a moment of sheer terror. Her companion breathlessly warns her to run if this turns out to be a wild pig. This is a slapstick farce that is educational in a manner unintended. Our intrepid investigators are frightened of their own shadows, in a manner reminiscent of Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.
They interview several people who claim the government is watching them over either a Youtube video or speaking on the subject. How do they know this? Because white vans sometimes park in front of their houses. Aha another white van. There is more than one. None of them call the police and report they are being stalked. None of them walk up to the van and ask what they are doing there. None of them even bother to write down a license plate number. The UFO Chasers nod there heads in unison. Yes, the government is following their prosaic movements Perhaps to Piggly Wiggly. I am not making this up.
I could go further, but why? People have asked why I stopped writing about UFOs. Watch UFO Chasers and you can find proof that idiocy has an audience ripe for the lowest common denominator of feigned seriousness.
Money talks and bullshit walks. Yes, Virginia, the esteemed National Geographic Society now has it's own end cap shelf at your local Walmart, to bottom feed on sleep walking morons using their shills to offload exploratory science at cut rate digestibility to the point of crossing the Rubicon into pandering The Dukes of Hazard to promote a higher bar for the subject matter. Die hard skepticism gets down and dirty as the NGC has proven time and time again and this time, good heavens, it has a trick new bag.
Give the people what they want.